Friday, November 5, 2010

Slither

Ok what do you get when you add the monsters from Alien, The Thing, Silent hill 2, The Fly,and....Men in Black 2?
Lol awesome
         The premise of the movie is that a small meteorite lands in a Podunk town bringing along with it an advanced alien race that plans to take over the world and basically eat everything.
            The opening shot shows the main character Bill Pardy one of the few police officers in the town sitting in a cop car with Wally his colleague trying to pass the time by clocking how fast birds are flying and catching some z's while in the background the alien crash lands in the woods. I guess this shows how much they pay attention to what's going on.
"I can't believe I retire in 2 days"
"I sure hope nothing happens...."


  After the landing you see the town for what it is...an utter shithole filled with rednecks and a loud mouth mayor who you just know is going to be in the rest of the film as comedic relief.
 




 Next the love interest shows up as the always hot Elizabeth Banks and shes a teacher (thank you god). They make it obviously apparent that the kids jerk off to her.

  So after school lets out Bill wonders why he never hit that when he had the chance, and why she married some old dude.
  It cuts to that night where said old guy and Elizabeth are about to go to bed. He tries to put the moves on her and she doesn't feel like it. Of course being the guy between the hero and the hot chick in the movie he has to be an asshole and storms off to the bar. There he meets one of his ex's younger sister. They talk and she admits that even though she was 11 she wanted to screw him.

  They go off into the woods for some odd reason like finding an old engraving she did of a heart and their initials in the middle proving that she's was insane and obsessive. There they run into the alien and shit gets real. The first encounter was pretty awesome I have to admit.
"the fuck is that thing?"
"I have no clue, but obviously..."
"I have to poke it with a stick"

"oh shit"
 So the dumbass pokes it with a stick and gets infected. The woman he's with kinda watches as he writhes in pain, but lets him get up look around bewildered and walk off only before she asks "are you okay?". The fuck lady? Call the cops or an ambulance.
  The alien returns the guys home and hangs out in the basement for the night. The next morning he/it goes upstairs to find Elizabeth playing music and wanting to make up for the night before. Something between the old guys brain and the alien must have clicked at that moment cause he absorbs the old guys personality and memory and fucks her. The next morning she brags to another teacher that it was hot cause he was like a little boy discovering different parts of her body.
"he's never lasted 15 seconds before"
While Liz is bragging about the virgin sex she got Grant (oldguy) goes off and buys the whole meat section at Wal-Mart. When he get's home he soon finds out that his chest looks like a teenagers face was cheese grinded. He goes to kill his wife or something, but decides not too. Instead heads to the chick that he met in the bar that was obsessed with him. Liz is forced to go to some ball by herself where the hero is and they talk and dance and pretend like they aren't eventually gonna be together. Meanwhile Grant and whatsherface start to get it on and out shoots tentacles from his chest.


Tentacle porn....it's in stuff other than anime
They pump her full of eggs and she starts to go into convulsions. Liz comes home after the dance to find Grant looking like the fucking elephant man, and buys that it was a bee sting and that she need not worry. Grant goes off to feed the chick that he impregnated with his tentacles and feeds her some meat. While gone liz finds the door locked to the basement and discovers that it's covered with animal carcasses and meat. She phones the cops and before she could scream help Grant comes in and puts her in a choke hold with his new stretch armstrong arms. The cops show up in the nick of time and shoo grant off. Them not knowing what exactly they saw go about their daily lives. Come on movie....

  They soon figure out a pattern of where animals are going missing and stake out where they think it will attack next. They soon freak the fuck out when they see what has been killing all the animals and one of the top 10 coolest deaths happen.


 
       So the monster slithers off and they go chase it down. In the woods they find where the girl he impregnated/kidnapped  was being held. She ate so much that she became violet from willy wonkas chocolate factory. This part shows that her mind isn't really effected just that the aliens inside her have made her so hungry that she's anything and everything she can get her hands on. I guess the baby aliens use her as a host to grow and eventually burst out of not to take over.  
I think I woke up to this one night after drinking way too much.
I think this blog is long enough :\. I'll only finish this if requested.

5 comments:

  1. I remember Slither. It was actually a pretty decent movie.

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  2. Yeah Slither is one of the best B movies in recent memory, pretty good review I like your style.

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  3. slither was fun shit, great thorough review dude

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  4. Lol I watched this the other day and here you are reviewing it, too strange. Decent movie, lol worthy

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