Thursday, November 25, 2010

Skyscraper

So my friends decided to go see this shithole of a movie, and I decided I should at least give it a chance. 20 minutes in I realized I have to get new friends. 30 minutes a couple in the front row leaves. 50 minutes in I've gone slightly blind and realize the plot of the movie is "wouldn't it be cool if there were like aliens everywhere and they never died?". 1 hour in another couple leaves. An hour 20 in I contemplate suicide.
           So the story is the guy with a douchey goatee is old friends with Turkleton who is an actor...or a rapper I didn't really pay attention. Douchey goatee brings his preggers gf with him to L.A.. A massive birthday party ensues where they get plastered. The party dissipates and they all pass out. Aliens show up take a minor character then leave. They all flip shit and try to decide what to do. Douchestache decides he wants to get to a boat cause (not direct quote but close) "They aren't hanging out around the water". Everyone besides Turkleton thinks its a stupid idea, but if they decided to just hang around...it would have been a smart, but even more boring waste of film. They head outside, but of course there being a space invasion shit happens. They decide to go back into the building. More boring shit happens. They throw in a mexican dude to piss of douchestache every chance he gets. Seriously they're all sitting around and the mexican keeps pushing him around and telling him to "wake up". Oh I should probably clarify that douchestache has looked into the blue shiny light a couple times and now is strong and shit *sigh*.
       Around this time I think "If I kill myself now I might leave with some dignity." So douchestache and preggo decide to try and go on the roof and get saved by a helicopter after....THEY WATCH THE AIRFORCE TRY TO NUKE IT AND IT DOESN'T FUCKING WORK. 
game fucking over man

       Yep so that plan fails. They get sucked up but luckily for them it's taking twice as long and get to say they love eachother and all that shit. The whole planet is taken over and all the humans are gone inside the ships. They show how the unconscious mass of people are being turned into new aliens and when it comes to douchestache since he's been exposed a couple times to the light...he can control his now alien body. He finds preggers then credits. The credits are of douchestache (alien version) fighting the other aliens. A far more interesting idea....saved for still shots in the credits. FUCK. 
So the overall plot is weak as hell, but some of the CGI was pretty cool. You might as well just load a bowl and watch 'Independence Day'. 
 

5 comments:

  1. haha nice review, i know what im not watching

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  2. haha yeah game fucking over :p !

    By the way, I hope you'll enjoy thanksgiving :) !

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  3. Yeah I dont think Im going to watch this...

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  4. The movie looked interesting from the previews, but I've been burned by Hollywood too many times to get excited. Now, everything I hear is negative.

    Not surprised.

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